The new rules had been announced the previous evening. Marie, in her lawyerly way, had pored over the details posted on gov.uk with great care and attention. Louise had heard them summarized and simplified in bullet point form on the ten o’clock news.
“See the new rules?” Marie messaged Louise as she sat at the dining room table and placed down her morning brew.
“Yeah. So we’re allowed to go for walks with family members again?”
“Family members you live with, yeah.”
“I thought they meant anyone who is considered family.”
“No. If you were allowed to meet family members for walks, then you’d be allowed to visit them at home. And you can’t do that.”
“What if I bump into a family member I don’t live with while on a walk? Am I allowed to walk alongside them?”
“The rules don’t cover that, actually. I suppose you could walk with them if you stay 2 metres apart.”
“But you’d still kind of be on a walk with them, wouldn’t you? So it’s breaking the rules.”
“I guess. Maybe if you walked in front or behind them, instead of side by side, it would be like you weren’t on a walk together. I don’t know. Maybe if you don’t talk to each other, you’re technically not walking together. Probably would be best to remove the element of doubt in that case – just go your separate ways.”
“True. They said something about picnics, didn’t they? Are we allowed to have picnics now?”
“You’re allowed to have a picnic with family members you live with as long as you spray a white circle around your blanket with at least a 2 metre radius.”
“How do you spray the circle?”
“You have to order a can of government-certified white spray paint off Amazon.”
“Didn’t they say something about the food you can take as well?”
“You can only take foods that have been prepackaged in the supermarket. Nothing you have prepared yourself at home, and any plates and cutlery you use must be freshly unwrapped.”
“Makes sense. Hey there’s something I’ve been wondering. You know how some people live with people who aren’t family members, like in house shares and stuff. Are they allowed to go on walks together?”
“No, because they’re not family members.”
“I see. What about exercise? Have they changed anything?”
“They have made it more clear what you can do. You have one exercise ‘token’. If you go for a run, you can’t go for a walk later. So if you need to walk the dog you can’t go for a run that day. Your phone GPS auto-deducts your token.”
“Cool. They updated on the NHS clapping as well, didn’t they?”
“Yeah they created an official schedule for the claps. Every Thursday at 8pm. They have released an app for reporting people who don’t come out for the clap. They’re going to send alerts to our phones at 7:55pm so we can get ready.”
“What was that other thing about the clapping rules?”
“Oh yeah, you have to clap quietly because they said if the virus is on your hands, clapping too hard could make it travel further through the air. They’re encouraging people to set up speakers outside and play clapping and cheering sounds instead, but the speakers must be disinfected.”
“That’s nice. How do I know how loud I can clap though?”
“There’s an app that measures the decibel level of your clap. You have to stay under 60 decibels.”
“What happens if I go over by accident?”
“You’ll get an alert to your phone. Self-isolation. 14 days.”
“Right. There was some new stuff about work too.”
“Yeah. Business as usual for essential workers. Non-essential workers are allowed to go back to work now if they want, provided their businesses are allowed to operate. Mostly applies to office workers because they can do social distancing and all the non-essential shops are still shut. But if you go within 2 metres of a colleague you get punished by being sent home for 14-day self-isolation with full pay.”
“It takes two people to break the two metre rule, so which one gets punished?”
“The one who entered the other person’s 2 metre radius. They check on the cameras.”
“Doesn’t the other worker have to self-isolate as well though, since they came in close contact with another person?”
“Erm, oh yeah, they do. Self-isolation. 14 days. Full pay plus damages. This only applies to non-essential workers, as I said. Essential workers can go within a 2 metre radius of each other, but if they do they have to self-isolate from non-essential workers at all times, including family members in the home.”
“OK. What if an essential worker goes within 2 metres of a non-essential person as part of their job?”
“They’re not allowed anymore.”
“Like, even in care homes and stuff?”
“No. They released guidelines about this. Saying essential care home workers can throw or roll things to their patients from outside the 2-metre radius, clean them by putting wet cloths on the end of sticks, feed them by attaching a spoon to a 2-metre pole, things like that. There are still ways for non-essential workers to do everything while following the new rules. No biggie. Better safe than sorry, right? It’s not like they can complain – the government knows what it’s doing and is just looking out for us at the end of the day!”
“Yeah, of course. OK thanks sis, all makes sense now. Have a nice day!”
“xxx”
Marie put down her phone and opened up her laptop. She opened Chrome and went to her bookmarks. Gov.uk flashed up on the screen and her eyes were drawn to the announcement at the top of the page in bold type: 9:53am: Social distancing rules have been updated. Read below to stay in compliance. She flicked on the kettle and started reading.